The Teachings of Dog - No 15: Let Dog be your co-pilot

The other day I came across the following story, from the wonderful author and therapist, Bill O'Hanlon. 

Some years ago, at the therapy group practice where Bill worked, a couple had sought relationship counselling.  They were very embittered with one another, but couldn't get a divorce because they had a dog that was the centre of their lives and neither of them was willing to give up even partial custody.

When the therapist worked with them, he discovered that the wife resented her husband's habit of coming home from work, not even acknowledging her when he walked through the door, but heading straight upstairs to shower.  By the time he arrived back downstairs she would be so livid that they would get into a terrible argument.

The therapist asked what the dog did when the husband arrived home, which was different from what the wife did.  It turned out that the dog would run to the door, greet the husband and get a nice rubbing in return.  The wife would wait in the other room for her husband to seek her out, which he didn't do.

The husband complained that the wife was not physically affectionate.  He longed for her to cuddle up next to him on the sofa while they were watching television, and would complain sarcastically that he must have body odour when she sat some distance away from him.

The therapist discovered that the dog was very assertive when he wanted affection; he would come over, sit next to the person from whom he wanted affection and push his nose under their arm if they were distracted or unresponsive, until they gave him a cuddle.

The couple was given this task:  they were to study the dog and make him their teacher and guru.  When they saw how he got what he wanted from their partner, they were to model that behaviour and try it out with their partner.  They had great fun with this and began to turn their relationship around, no longer wanting a divorce.

For any relationship that you would like to shift in a positive or better direction, Bill suggests that you could think of an animal whose behaviour you could model - or, as he says, let Dog be your co-pilot...

The Teachings of Dog - No 14: What If...?

"Do not borrow trouble - the rate of interest is too high."  - Anne of Green Gables

With five canine members of staff in the household, there is often drama and excitement of some sort, and yesterday it was Daisy's turn for the spotlight...  Her accidental ingestion of something unfortunate on an empty stomach interrupted our leisurely Sunday morning rituals and resulted in frantic phonecalls to the vet and a speedy drive to the exceptionally kind and wise Stephen Hudson at Grace Lane Vets.

The drive normally takes half an hour - to me, in the driving seat, one hand occasionally straying to caress the tiny, furry head at my side, it seemed to take an age.  My imagination , always fertile, was propelled into overdrive as increasingly creative and disastrous images played out in my mind.  I seemed to be stuck behind every slow-moving vehicle in North Yorkshire, including a large number of classic cars en route to a rally, for whom 40mph was a seldom-attained speed...

When we finally arrived, Stephen greeted me with a smile and the news that his research had revealed it was pretty harmless to dogs, especially in the tiny amount which Daisy had eaten, so it wouldn't even be necessary to make her sick.  Daisy, cuddled up in my arms, disagreed with her medical advisor and summed up her opinion of her disturbed morning by returning her forbidden snack, with interest, over my shoulder.  Returning home, at a much less frantic pace, she then happily tucked into her belated breakfast and danced out into the garden - her usual, carefree, dandelion-seed self.

Daisy's Teachings:

• A problem is often only a problem in our own minds - if we were not thinking about it, would it still exist?
• "What If...?" can be useful, but what if we imagine something good happening, rather than something bad?
• You cannot keep five dogs away from something that accidentally falls on the floor at breakfast time (unless it's a worming tablet, obviously!).

Planting for the Future

Down in Guernsey last week I spent a lot of time with my friends, in their enormous vinery, helping to plant out tomatoes, peppers and beans; and outside in the vegetable garden, weeding and planting leeks, sprouts and carrots.  Gardening is a really therapeutic pastime; there is something about spending time in the sunshine, with your hands in warm earth, that truly feeds the soul... 

As I weeded and planted, I was reminded of a lovely story which I came across recently - After a heavy rain, an old man began digging holes in his garden.  His neighbour asked him, "What are you doing?"  "Planting mango trees", he said.  The neighbour asked, "Do you expect to eat mangoes from those trees?"  He replied, "No, I won't live long enough for that; but others will.  All my life I have enjoyed mangoes planted by other people - this is my way of showing them my gratitude."

We often take for granted all the things we have around us, and the food which we buy for our table; forgetting that all of these are the result of somebody else's hard work.  Take some time today to feel gratitude for those who are working to feed and clothe us, and whom we will never meet.  It's also worth contemplating that the seeds we plant today will bear fruit in the future; so if you want an abundant harvest, consider carefully what seeds you must plant - and plant them now!

An abundance of beauty

As I write, I am sitting at the top of the cliff above Petit Bot bay in the lovely island of Guernsey.  I am surrounded by an outrageously beautiful display of nature's abundance; tiny, embryonic green sloes abound in the aftermath of frothy blossom, and at my feet, clustering ivy leaves entwine the stems of the bushes, while radiant daisies turn their faces to the sun.

Pink campion, purple violets, bluebells, speedwell, pennywort, scabious, primrose - all jostle together amongst the nodding grasses in a rampant festival of colour and a celebration of life and of the Spring.

Abundance is all around us - we just need to change our focus in order to see it.  Instead of focusing on lack, or of things we don't want in our lives, spend some time focusing your attention on what you do want, and on the abundance that is all around you, and watch as your focus expands...

New Growth

The lengthening days of wonderful warm, spring sunshine have wrought an annual miracle in the vegetable patch... tiny green seedlings of pea, bean and spinach are thrusting their way through the soil, lifting tiny leaves skyward and bringing life to the bare, brown soil. 

The miracle of new growth is an awesome reminder of the wonder of nature, for inside each acorn lies the dream of an oak forest...

What seeds are you planting in this time of new growth?  Whatever your dreams and plans, make sure you tend and water them so that they grow into magnificent fulfillment!