What If....?

The terrible events of this week will doubtless leave long shadows; for the victims of crime, the communities that have suffered and for the perpetrators themselves.  The fear engendered in the people of London, Birmingham and elsewere by the rioters was tremendous; not helped by the images broadcast blanket-style by our media.

How do our minds cope with this sort of journalism?  Well, we are all individuals, having our own values, beliefs and memories which shape the way we perceive our world, and we all cope with different situations in different ways.  One thing, though, we do have in common:  how frequently do you end up feeling extremely stressed through imagining "What If?" scenarios which, in reality, will never happen?  Most of us are pretty good at this - and some of us are master experts!

What we choose to focus on and pay attention to in our lives is what expands.  This may sound simplistic, but if you are spending the day creating what amounts to a horror movie in your head, then how relaxed is that going to make you feel?

When we are regularly living and working in a stressed state, our ability to cope with day to day life becomes compromised; we end up reacting badly in our interactions with other people which in turn intensifies the stress in us.  The biology of our bodies is directly affected by the thoughts in our minds, and if those thoughts are stressful or negative then we will experience an equivalent physical response.  Muscle tension and increased adrenaline can lead to symptoms such as headaches, gastric ulcers, lowered immune response and even heart attacks.  As the Buddha said, "We will not be punished for our anger - we will be punished by our anger."

So, instead of focusing on the stressful situation and "What If"-ing up to catastrophic proportions, what if we change our focus from what we don't want to have happen, to what we do want?  What would happen if you develop the habit of imagining things working out well in your life?  What If... something positive happens today?  And if that happens, then what might happen...?  How much better do you think your day will be if you begin it by believing that your day will be good?

As human beings, we have a tendency to believe what we see and see what we believe; in other words, if you believe you will have a good day, then your unconscious mind will collect evidence for you to support that belief throughout the day.  If we change the focus from why our day was so bad into what made the day good, despite the bad thing that might have happened, then we are effectively creating for ourselves a different way of perceiving our world; what, in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is called a "reframe".

Those things that make your day good don't necessarily have to be huge; they can be a kiss from your partner, a cuddle with your dog, a text from a friend, a smile from a stranger, a moment in nature.  Pay attention as you collect your evidence, and enjoy each moment.  With practice, we can develop the ability to enjoy even the boring and routine things, like a delay at the airport!  The present moment is an excellent antidote to the stress of the past and worries of the future.  As Margaret Bonanno said, "It is only possible to live happily ever after on a daily basis."

Stopping to smell the roses

Yesterday, I came across the following thought-provoking extract by Michael Neill (http://www.supercoach.com/) which I thought I would share with you:

"In any moment, we can decide that what we have is not enough and look around for something to fill in the gaps, or we can decide that what we have is exactly what we want.  We can turn our "bone of happiness" into a bone of contention and throw it off into some imaginary future, or we can enjoy gnawing on it right here, right now.

"This thought can be disturbing at first to people who feel like 'the next big thing' is continually just around the corner.  But just because there's nowhere to get to doesn't mean you'll no longer travel - just that you'll no longer travel in order to get somewhere better than right where youu are sitting now.  It doesn't mean that you can't upgrade your car, your job, your finances, or even your relationship.  It just means that if you do, it will be because you want to, not because you htink you have to or you should."

Sometimes it is important to pay attention to just how green the grass is already under your feet, before you consider the grass on the other side of the fence.  The grass under your feet will be greener if you water it.  Look around you and notice what you are grateful for now, in this moment; what is there in your world right now which makes you happy just to look at it, or think of it?

The Teachings of Dog: No 16 - Being Present

My niece has finally found herself a lovely cottage with an equally lovely landlady who allows her to have her dogs.  So Poppy and Snippets moved to their new abode a couple of weeks ago and have now become part-time, visiting only at weekends and on Thursdays.  We find it very strange having such a sudden reduction in our canine members of staff; watching "House" is no longer the same without Poppy to bark at the end credits (and we still have no idea why!) but the other dogs have adapted seamlessly and appear perfectly content in their reduced numbers... and when their friends arrive at the weekend, it's as if they were never away.

We all adapt to change in different ways; for many it is a huge source of stress and anxiety.  The dogs demonstrate such a beautifully elegant behavioural flexibility; for them, what matters is what is happening right now and they react accordingly.  We spend so much of our lives being stressed about the past or anxious about the future, and often forget that the present moment is an antidote to that stress and anxiety.  What can happen when we allow ourselves to be totally in the Now; accepting what is, with gratitude, wonder and curiosity...?

Using the gift of your past, in the present, to create your future...

"With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift.  Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing.  You get to choose."

- Dr Wayne Dyer

Right now is the only moment available to you for change and growth.  In this moment, are you being a victim of circumstance, or are you being master of your own destiny?  When we blame circumstances or other people, make excuses, give way to negativity, we are giving away our personal power.  Take responsibility for your reality; what decisions have you made in the past that have created the circumstances of your world as it is today?  What is there to learn from those decisions?  What decisions can you take today that will influence how you can create your wonderful future?

What is Happiness?

"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven in the human spirit." - Helen Keller

The Oxford English Dictionary defines happiness as "feeling or expressing joy", but what actually is it and how do we get there? I think nearly everybody knows what it feels like to have an absence of happiness, and this is what drives me in my work - I like to share with people the ideas that transformed my own life and made my seeds of happiness flourish, in the hope that it will do the same for others.

Most people seem to spend their time living and starring in their very own scary film - their lives are so full of worrying about what bad things might happen that they forget that there are a lot of good things which are just as likely to happen.

In the village where we used to live, in the North Yorkshire Moors, there are a lot of free-range sheep who wander the lanes. Sometimes, when I was out walking the dogs, we would come across a group of three or four sheep as we rounded a corner. At first, the sheep would ignore us and carry on eating the grass, but as we approached, they would lift their heads and stare. As we came even closer, the matriarch would stamp her foot and, with a sardonic "baaaa!" they would all canter off down the lane for a few metres, their little hooves beating a staccato rhythm on the tarmac of the road, before slowing to a walk and starting to eat the grass again.

Our walk would progress in this fashion, following the sheep down the road. We would come so close - sometimes you could think you would almost be able to reach them - then at the last moment off they would go again, always just out of our reach.

This set me thinking... if you really wanted to catch the sheep - if you had a good enough reason - how would you go about it?

Happiness can sometimes seem like this - always just out of reach - always just round the corner. "I'll be happy when..." is a common motif - we forget to live in the now. We forget that, in life, the journey is the destination; life is just a series of present moments and the present moment is the only chance we have to live. Sometimes I could be so busy watching the sheep in front that I would forget to look around me and notice the beautiful, dew bejewelled flowers in the hedgerows, and the wonderful plumage of the partridge on the gate, frozen into immobility at our passing.

So - if I did want to catch the sheep, then how would I go about it? I have some of the resources I need - arms and legs, even a dog! But without the knowledge of sheep I'd never catch them; they would remain forever elusive, always cantering off a few metres ahead of me. And that, to me, was the key - all I needed was learing, and there is always a shepherd to teach the skills you need.