Stopping to smell the roses

Yesterday, I came across the following thought-provoking extract by Michael Neill (http://www.supercoach.com/) which I thought I would share with you:

"In any moment, we can decide that what we have is not enough and look around for something to fill in the gaps, or we can decide that what we have is exactly what we want.  We can turn our "bone of happiness" into a bone of contention and throw it off into some imaginary future, or we can enjoy gnawing on it right here, right now.

"This thought can be disturbing at first to people who feel like 'the next big thing' is continually just around the corner.  But just because there's nowhere to get to doesn't mean you'll no longer travel - just that you'll no longer travel in order to get somewhere better than right where youu are sitting now.  It doesn't mean that you can't upgrade your car, your job, your finances, or even your relationship.  It just means that if you do, it will be because you want to, not because you htink you have to or you should."

Sometimes it is important to pay attention to just how green the grass is already under your feet, before you consider the grass on the other side of the fence.  The grass under your feet will be greener if you water it.  Look around you and notice what you are grateful for now, in this moment; what is there in your world right now which makes you happy just to look at it, or think of it?

The Teachings of Dog: No 16 - Being Present

My niece has finally found herself a lovely cottage with an equally lovely landlady who allows her to have her dogs.  So Poppy and Snippets moved to their new abode a couple of weeks ago and have now become part-time, visiting only at weekends and on Thursdays.  We find it very strange having such a sudden reduction in our canine members of staff; watching "House" is no longer the same without Poppy to bark at the end credits (and we still have no idea why!) but the other dogs have adapted seamlessly and appear perfectly content in their reduced numbers... and when their friends arrive at the weekend, it's as if they were never away.

We all adapt to change in different ways; for many it is a huge source of stress and anxiety.  The dogs demonstrate such a beautifully elegant behavioural flexibility; for them, what matters is what is happening right now and they react accordingly.  We spend so much of our lives being stressed about the past or anxious about the future, and often forget that the present moment is an antidote to that stress and anxiety.  What can happen when we allow ourselves to be totally in the Now; accepting what is, with gratitude, wonder and curiosity...?

Planting for the Future

Down in Guernsey last week I spent a lot of time with my friends, in their enormous vinery, helping to plant out tomatoes, peppers and beans; and outside in the vegetable garden, weeding and planting leeks, sprouts and carrots.  Gardening is a really therapeutic pastime; there is something about spending time in the sunshine, with your hands in warm earth, that truly feeds the soul... 

As I weeded and planted, I was reminded of a lovely story which I came across recently - After a heavy rain, an old man began digging holes in his garden.  His neighbour asked him, "What are you doing?"  "Planting mango trees", he said.  The neighbour asked, "Do you expect to eat mangoes from those trees?"  He replied, "No, I won't live long enough for that; but others will.  All my life I have enjoyed mangoes planted by other people - this is my way of showing them my gratitude."

We often take for granted all the things we have around us, and the food which we buy for our table; forgetting that all of these are the result of somebody else's hard work.  Take some time today to feel gratitude for those who are working to feed and clothe us, and whom we will never meet.  It's also worth contemplating that the seeds we plant today will bear fruit in the future; so if you want an abundant harvest, consider carefully what seeds you must plant - and plant them now!

The Teachings of Dog - No 13: The Art of Giving and Receiving

"Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me'.  Look what happens with a love like that - it lights the whole sky."  - Hafiz of Persia 

Lily and her canine colleagues are all masters of the art of unconditional giving - and of receiving. Lily will happily spend long periods of time patiently cleaning Poppy's eyes, or Theo's ears - and they, in their turn, will happily let her. As a puppy, when teething, Theo would chew enthusiastically on his mother, Lily's, ears, while she lay patiently, not seeming to mind the soggy outcome, or the subsequent crispiness of dried, licked fur.


What happens when we give somebody a gift, or an offer of help...  Do we expect something in return?  Are we offended if the person receiving it doesn't like our gift, or chooses to give it away again to somebody else?  The Aborigines would say, if we have that sort of attachment to a gift, then it is not a gift at all, it is something else.  If it is a true gift then it is given unconditionally; we should not mind at all what the other person chooses to do with it, and certainly have no expectation of receiving anything in exchange.

And when somebody offers us a gift, do we receive it graciously and with gratitude - or do we feel beholden to the giver and consider that we have to reciprocate in some way?  When we accept a gift with genuine gratitude we are already giving something back to the giver - the gift of true appreciation.

Gratitude as a cure for insomnia

It's interesting how often several clients can contact me with the same presenting problem within a short space of time. Last Autumn the theme seemed to be a desire for weight loss; this winter it seems that insomnia is a popular issue, and in case any of my blog readers are suffering with this problem (or know somebody who is!) I thought I would share a useful technique with you.

One of the keys for falling asleep is to relax your mind as well as your body, and often this is easier said than done - many people cannot sleep because of the things going round in their head. Recognising this pattern is the first important step - interrupting it and replacing it with something else is the second. And the replacement has to be something that your conscious mind will find just a little bit boring, but not too boring or your mind won't want to do it... some people find that counting sheep, for example, can be just a bit too dull - and their mind just returns to the original worry.

Next time you can't sleep, try one of these ideas instead; they all use the alphabet as a base. Try thinking of items in your bedroom beginning with each letter of the alphabet - it's not as easy as it sounds ("i" used to be a challenge until Apple came along!). Alternatively, animals are quite fun. Here's one, though, that my clients really like - think of things you are grateful for, beginning with each letter of the alphabet - and really focus on each one in turn and understand what it is about it that makes you grateful. It doesn't matter how big or small each of these things are - gratitude is a very powerful emotion!

Let me know how you get on - and if there are other techniques that you have found useful and which you would like to share then I am always interested to hear about them!

The Ghosts of Christmas

For the past few weeks we have been living in an extraordinary winter world of quite astonishing and remarkable beauty. The extreme winter temperatures created havoc for many, but it seemed that the Ghost of Christmas Present was on our side...

We were profoundly grateful to W Eves for our oil delivery last Tuesday, just in the nick of time before we ran out completely, and we were also very grateful for a window in the weather on Thursday which allowed us to collect various family members for their Christmas visit. In the midst of total travel chaos at Gatwick Airport and agaist all the odds, my niece received her own particular Christmas travel miracle thanks to Flybe.

Our Christmas was spent with friends and family (and dogs!) in warmth, with good food and wine, surrounded by the fragile beauty of a true winter wonderland, thanks to the people and events which brought everything together and made it happen.

Gratitude is a natural emotion at Christmas, and as Christmas 2010 fades into memory along with the Ghosts of other Christmases past, gratitude will remain a very strong part of that memory to carry forward into the Spirit of Christmases Yet to Come.

Taking time to see

"Nobody sees a flower - really - it is so small it takes time - we haven't time - and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time." - Georgia O'Keeffe

Our beautiful house was once a granary, and I am very lucky to have my study facing onto the courtyard; the view of which is framed by one of the granary arches, now filled in by sliding glass doors which makes for a very peaceful, light and sunny room. Around the courtyard are some lovely trees and shrubs, much beloved by a variety of small birds whose presence we encourage by a steady supply of peanuts. The bluetits are particularly abundant and I have a huge affection for these tiny creatures whose small lives are lived out so close to our own, and yet so secretively that we cannot share much of their daily travails.

Last week, however, I was able to share for a brief time in the life of one of these tiny scraps of feathered beauty which unfortunately collided catastrophically with the big glass window of my study in its journey across the courtyard. Fortunately the client I was seeing at the time had no objection to my hurrying outside on a rescue mission - not the first time this has happened! As I scooped up this little bird very gently from the stone, it clung to my finger and sat, somewhat bemused, in the warmth of my hand. I was struck by the beauty of the colours; able to take my time to really see, as this little creature slowly recovered - amazed by the perfection of each tiny feather.

I was very grateful for this small interlude of exploration into a beauty that we are not normally privileged to see. This week set aside some time - even if it only five minutes - to really see something; a flower, a leaf or a blade of grass - and be amazed by the beauty you discover. As Henry Miller wrote, "The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself."

Teachings of Dog - No.3

Theo the schnauzer has to be one of the most ebulliently joyful creatures with whom it has been my pleasure to share my life. His sheer boundless enthusiasm and wanton curiosity for just about anything in his universe is a lesson in itself. He'll be gratefully appreciative of any gift you care to give him (even if you personally wouldn't consider it a treat - raw potato or spinach accidentally dropped will be happily accepted) and gives in return his abundant happiness and pleasure in your company. He also knows everything there is to know about relaxation and makes the best relaxing noises I've ever heard... his favourite place to be is cuddled up on the sofa with as many of his friends (human and canine) as will fit.

Theo's teachings:

• Be grateful for everything you receive. Everything.
• Show your friends how much you appreciate being with them.
• Learn how to relax...
• Joy is an attitude of mind - it comes from within.
• Enthusiasm and curiosity make your world an amazing place to live.

Happiness Quote for Friday

"Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy, because we will always want to have something else or something more." - David Steindl-Rast