What If....?

The terrible events of this week will doubtless leave long shadows; for the victims of crime, the communities that have suffered and for the perpetrators themselves.  The fear engendered in the people of London, Birmingham and elsewere by the rioters was tremendous; not helped by the images broadcast blanket-style by our media.

How do our minds cope with this sort of journalism?  Well, we are all individuals, having our own values, beliefs and memories which shape the way we perceive our world, and we all cope with different situations in different ways.  One thing, though, we do have in common:  how frequently do you end up feeling extremely stressed through imagining "What If?" scenarios which, in reality, will never happen?  Most of us are pretty good at this - and some of us are master experts!

What we choose to focus on and pay attention to in our lives is what expands.  This may sound simplistic, but if you are spending the day creating what amounts to a horror movie in your head, then how relaxed is that going to make you feel?

When we are regularly living and working in a stressed state, our ability to cope with day to day life becomes compromised; we end up reacting badly in our interactions with other people which in turn intensifies the stress in us.  The biology of our bodies is directly affected by the thoughts in our minds, and if those thoughts are stressful or negative then we will experience an equivalent physical response.  Muscle tension and increased adrenaline can lead to symptoms such as headaches, gastric ulcers, lowered immune response and even heart attacks.  As the Buddha said, "We will not be punished for our anger - we will be punished by our anger."

So, instead of focusing on the stressful situation and "What If"-ing up to catastrophic proportions, what if we change our focus from what we don't want to have happen, to what we do want?  What would happen if you develop the habit of imagining things working out well in your life?  What If... something positive happens today?  And if that happens, then what might happen...?  How much better do you think your day will be if you begin it by believing that your day will be good?

As human beings, we have a tendency to believe what we see and see what we believe; in other words, if you believe you will have a good day, then your unconscious mind will collect evidence for you to support that belief throughout the day.  If we change the focus from why our day was so bad into what made the day good, despite the bad thing that might have happened, then we are effectively creating for ourselves a different way of perceiving our world; what, in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is called a "reframe".

Those things that make your day good don't necessarily have to be huge; they can be a kiss from your partner, a cuddle with your dog, a text from a friend, a smile from a stranger, a moment in nature.  Pay attention as you collect your evidence, and enjoy each moment.  With practice, we can develop the ability to enjoy even the boring and routine things, like a delay at the airport!  The present moment is an excellent antidote to the stress of the past and worries of the future.  As Margaret Bonanno said, "It is only possible to live happily ever after on a daily basis."

"Do you remember when...?"

"Time is an illusion:  lunchtime doubly so."    Douglas Adams

Twenty-two years ago today, I was a nervous bride-in-waiting; the cream silk gown, made by my mother, was hanging in state and the intricate lace veil was awaiting its debut.  Finishing touches were being added to the cake - we would have to wait until morning to gather the fresh ivy leaves to decorate the base - and friends and family had started to arrive from various far-flung corners of the British Isles.

It's funny how many events in our lives can stay crystal-clear in our minds; we can put ourselves right back there, whenever we want to, and really feel, see and hear exactly what was going on at that time; reliving the event in our imagination with such incredible clarity, regardless of how many intervening years have elapsed. 

Sometimes it's not the most important things that we remember; a random and seemingly unimportant event can remain very clear in our minds, for no apparent reason - I have a remarkably clear memory of visiting "Strawberry Farm" - a farm shop near our home - when I must have been about two years old; how high up the wooden crates of vegetables seemed to me, the smell of the dark shed and the silky feel of broad bean pods when I reached up to touch.

Sometimes time seems to pass so slowly - do you remember how long the summer holidays lasted when we were little?  They seemed to stretch out in front of us forever - six or seven weeks was an eternity of joyful freedom! - but as we grow older, so time seems to speed up.  It seems no time at all since we were slipping and sliding outside on the snow and ice that gripped our lane for so many weeks last winter!

I heard an elegant theory about why this is so - when we are, say, five, a month is quite a big proportion of those five years; when we are forty-five, that proportion grows less significant.  Time, then, appears to speed up relative to our age.

We all create our own realities, though, so if time is relative then we can all be in control of how fast it appears to pass for us.  If we spend our time focusing on the past or the future, is it any wonder that the present passes us by? 

If you want to be able to recall precious memories in the future, remember that you have to be in the moment now in order to create them.  I  have a very clear memory of my lovely older sister telling me exactly that, on the morning of Saturday 5 August 1989.  Thanks for that, Cait - I am forever grateful!

Stopping to smell the roses

Yesterday, I came across the following thought-provoking extract by Michael Neill (http://www.supercoach.com/) which I thought I would share with you:

"In any moment, we can decide that what we have is not enough and look around for something to fill in the gaps, or we can decide that what we have is exactly what we want.  We can turn our "bone of happiness" into a bone of contention and throw it off into some imaginary future, or we can enjoy gnawing on it right here, right now.

"This thought can be disturbing at first to people who feel like 'the next big thing' is continually just around the corner.  But just because there's nowhere to get to doesn't mean you'll no longer travel - just that you'll no longer travel in order to get somewhere better than right where youu are sitting now.  It doesn't mean that you can't upgrade your car, your job, your finances, or even your relationship.  It just means that if you do, it will be because you want to, not because you htink you have to or you should."

Sometimes it is important to pay attention to just how green the grass is already under your feet, before you consider the grass on the other side of the fence.  The grass under your feet will be greener if you water it.  Look around you and notice what you are grateful for now, in this moment; what is there in your world right now which makes you happy just to look at it, or think of it?

The Joy of Small Things

I posted a question on my Facebook Page yesterday asking what had happened to make the day special.  I was very sad that not one person appears to have considered Wednesday special in any way whatsoever! 

Let's consider this for a moment... the average adult has around 60,000 separate thoughts in a 24 hour period.  These thoughts might be about the past or the future, or maybe concerning what is going on in the present moment - but did you know that approximately 85% of those thoughts will be the same thoughts we had yesterday, and the same thoughts we will have tomorrow?  It seems that the human brain has an habitual pattern of endlessly repeating the same thoughts, over and over again, with very little original thought.  No wonder we don't think our days are special!

Now... consider that all-important 15%.  What happened yesterday that was different, that caused you to think differently... see something differently... feel something good?  Maybe it was a smile from a stranger; somebody who let you out of a side junction when you had been waiting for ages; a nice comment from a friend or colleague; a cuddle with your dog - or even just that somebody made you a cup of tea when you really needed one!  Special things don't have to be huge or momentous; sometimes it's just the little things that make a difference to the day.

So come on, folks - what really did happen to make your Wednesday special...?

The Bees of Opportunity

Deep within the dark recesses of the little stone shed in the courtyard, a nest of bumblebees has set up home... buzzing fatly and busily, their tiny furry forms can be seen amid the flowers, working steadily from dawn until dusk.  The door of the little shed is kept locked, so we were at first puzzled as to how our bees came and went, but careful observation revealed a bee-sized chink between two ill-fitting glass pantiles in the roof.

Standing in the shed's open doorway this afternoon, I watched as the bees buzzed to and fro - emerging at ground level from behind a stack of boxes and climbing to their egress in the roof.  I was fascinated that none of them seemed to notice the open door; flying to within a few inches of it as they rose to their chink between the rooftiles. 

Often, in life, opportunities will present themselves to us just like that open door.  Whether we choose to see them or not is up to us - and if we fail to notice them, just like the open door, the opportunity will close and be lost to us.  Sometimes we continue to do things the same way because that is what we have always done, even if the choice may be an unuseful one for us.  When we open our eyes, it's possible to see that there are always options in how we choose to be.

The Teachings of Dog: No 16 - Being Present

My niece has finally found herself a lovely cottage with an equally lovely landlady who allows her to have her dogs.  So Poppy and Snippets moved to their new abode a couple of weeks ago and have now become part-time, visiting only at weekends and on Thursdays.  We find it very strange having such a sudden reduction in our canine members of staff; watching "House" is no longer the same without Poppy to bark at the end credits (and we still have no idea why!) but the other dogs have adapted seamlessly and appear perfectly content in their reduced numbers... and when their friends arrive at the weekend, it's as if they were never away.

We all adapt to change in different ways; for many it is a huge source of stress and anxiety.  The dogs demonstrate such a beautifully elegant behavioural flexibility; for them, what matters is what is happening right now and they react accordingly.  We spend so much of our lives being stressed about the past or anxious about the future, and often forget that the present moment is an antidote to that stress and anxiety.  What can happen when we allow ourselves to be totally in the Now; accepting what is, with gratitude, wonder and curiosity...?

The Teachings of Dog - No 15: Let Dog be your co-pilot

The other day I came across the following story, from the wonderful author and therapist, Bill O'Hanlon. 

Some years ago, at the therapy group practice where Bill worked, a couple had sought relationship counselling.  They were very embittered with one another, but couldn't get a divorce because they had a dog that was the centre of their lives and neither of them was willing to give up even partial custody.

When the therapist worked with them, he discovered that the wife resented her husband's habit of coming home from work, not even acknowledging her when he walked through the door, but heading straight upstairs to shower.  By the time he arrived back downstairs she would be so livid that they would get into a terrible argument.

The therapist asked what the dog did when the husband arrived home, which was different from what the wife did.  It turned out that the dog would run to the door, greet the husband and get a nice rubbing in return.  The wife would wait in the other room for her husband to seek her out, which he didn't do.

The husband complained that the wife was not physically affectionate.  He longed for her to cuddle up next to him on the sofa while they were watching television, and would complain sarcastically that he must have body odour when she sat some distance away from him.

The therapist discovered that the dog was very assertive when he wanted affection; he would come over, sit next to the person from whom he wanted affection and push his nose under their arm if they were distracted or unresponsive, until they gave him a cuddle.

The couple was given this task:  they were to study the dog and make him their teacher and guru.  When they saw how he got what he wanted from their partner, they were to model that behaviour and try it out with their partner.  They had great fun with this and began to turn their relationship around, no longer wanting a divorce.

For any relationship that you would like to shift in a positive or better direction, Bill suggests that you could think of an animal whose behaviour you could model - or, as he says, let Dog be your co-pilot...

The Teachings of Dog - No 14: What If...?

"Do not borrow trouble - the rate of interest is too high."  - Anne of Green Gables

With five canine members of staff in the household, there is often drama and excitement of some sort, and yesterday it was Daisy's turn for the spotlight...  Her accidental ingestion of something unfortunate on an empty stomach interrupted our leisurely Sunday morning rituals and resulted in frantic phonecalls to the vet and a speedy drive to the exceptionally kind and wise Stephen Hudson at Grace Lane Vets.

The drive normally takes half an hour - to me, in the driving seat, one hand occasionally straying to caress the tiny, furry head at my side, it seemed to take an age.  My imagination , always fertile, was propelled into overdrive as increasingly creative and disastrous images played out in my mind.  I seemed to be stuck behind every slow-moving vehicle in North Yorkshire, including a large number of classic cars en route to a rally, for whom 40mph was a seldom-attained speed...

When we finally arrived, Stephen greeted me with a smile and the news that his research had revealed it was pretty harmless to dogs, especially in the tiny amount which Daisy had eaten, so it wouldn't even be necessary to make her sick.  Daisy, cuddled up in my arms, disagreed with her medical advisor and summed up her opinion of her disturbed morning by returning her forbidden snack, with interest, over my shoulder.  Returning home, at a much less frantic pace, she then happily tucked into her belated breakfast and danced out into the garden - her usual, carefree, dandelion-seed self.

Daisy's Teachings:

• A problem is often only a problem in our own minds - if we were not thinking about it, would it still exist?
• "What If...?" can be useful, but what if we imagine something good happening, rather than something bad?
• You cannot keep five dogs away from something that accidentally falls on the floor at breakfast time (unless it's a worming tablet, obviously!).

Planting for the Future

Down in Guernsey last week I spent a lot of time with my friends, in their enormous vinery, helping to plant out tomatoes, peppers and beans; and outside in the vegetable garden, weeding and planting leeks, sprouts and carrots.  Gardening is a really therapeutic pastime; there is something about spending time in the sunshine, with your hands in warm earth, that truly feeds the soul... 

As I weeded and planted, I was reminded of a lovely story which I came across recently - After a heavy rain, an old man began digging holes in his garden.  His neighbour asked him, "What are you doing?"  "Planting mango trees", he said.  The neighbour asked, "Do you expect to eat mangoes from those trees?"  He replied, "No, I won't live long enough for that; but others will.  All my life I have enjoyed mangoes planted by other people - this is my way of showing them my gratitude."

We often take for granted all the things we have around us, and the food which we buy for our table; forgetting that all of these are the result of somebody else's hard work.  Take some time today to feel gratitude for those who are working to feed and clothe us, and whom we will never meet.  It's also worth contemplating that the seeds we plant today will bear fruit in the future; so if you want an abundant harvest, consider carefully what seeds you must plant - and plant them now!

An abundance of beauty

As I write, I am sitting at the top of the cliff above Petit Bot bay in the lovely island of Guernsey.  I am surrounded by an outrageously beautiful display of nature's abundance; tiny, embryonic green sloes abound in the aftermath of frothy blossom, and at my feet, clustering ivy leaves entwine the stems of the bushes, while radiant daisies turn their faces to the sun.

Pink campion, purple violets, bluebells, speedwell, pennywort, scabious, primrose - all jostle together amongst the nodding grasses in a rampant festival of colour and a celebration of life and of the Spring.

Abundance is all around us - we just need to change our focus in order to see it.  Instead of focusing on lack, or of things we don't want in our lives, spend some time focusing your attention on what you do want, and on the abundance that is all around you, and watch as your focus expands...

New Growth

The lengthening days of wonderful warm, spring sunshine have wrought an annual miracle in the vegetable patch... tiny green seedlings of pea, bean and spinach are thrusting their way through the soil, lifting tiny leaves skyward and bringing life to the bare, brown soil. 

The miracle of new growth is an awesome reminder of the wonder of nature, for inside each acorn lies the dream of an oak forest...

What seeds are you planting in this time of new growth?  Whatever your dreams and plans, make sure you tend and water them so that they grow into magnificent fulfillment!

The Teachings of Dog - No 13: The Art of Giving and Receiving

"Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me'.  Look what happens with a love like that - it lights the whole sky."  - Hafiz of Persia 

Lily and her canine colleagues are all masters of the art of unconditional giving - and of receiving. Lily will happily spend long periods of time patiently cleaning Poppy's eyes, or Theo's ears - and they, in their turn, will happily let her. As a puppy, when teething, Theo would chew enthusiastically on his mother, Lily's, ears, while she lay patiently, not seeming to mind the soggy outcome, or the subsequent crispiness of dried, licked fur.


What happens when we give somebody a gift, or an offer of help...  Do we expect something in return?  Are we offended if the person receiving it doesn't like our gift, or chooses to give it away again to somebody else?  The Aborigines would say, if we have that sort of attachment to a gift, then it is not a gift at all, it is something else.  If it is a true gift then it is given unconditionally; we should not mind at all what the other person chooses to do with it, and certainly have no expectation of receiving anything in exchange.

And when somebody offers us a gift, do we receive it graciously and with gratitude - or do we feel beholden to the giver and consider that we have to reciprocate in some way?  When we accept a gift with genuine gratitude we are already giving something back to the giver - the gift of true appreciation.

The meaning of communication is the response you get

It has often been said that, in any communication, the words that are used are of vastly less importance than the tone of voice and the body language of the person speaking.  (Notice how many different meanings you can make to the phrase "good morning" depending on how you say it!) 

Long after someone has forgotten precisely what words you used, they will remember how you made them feel.  How are you making your clients feel?  Your friends?  Your family?  Your partner?  Would you rather be remembered as a kind person, or someone who always has to be right?  Sometimes it is good to think a moment before speaking, and imagine how your communication might be received; how would it make you feel?

Notice what happens in your communications when you focus more on the feelings of the other person than the importance of your own words.  Listen more than you speak, with kindness and compassion, and feel your kindness and compassion being reflected right back to you.

Using the gift of your past, in the present, to create your future...

"With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift.  Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing.  You get to choose."

- Dr Wayne Dyer

Right now is the only moment available to you for change and growth.  In this moment, are you being a victim of circumstance, or are you being master of your own destiny?  When we blame circumstances or other people, make excuses, give way to negativity, we are giving away our personal power.  Take responsibility for your reality; what decisions have you made in the past that have created the circumstances of your world as it is today?  What is there to learn from those decisions?  What decisions can you take today that will influence how you can create your wonderful future?

Paying Attention

"I noticed tonight that the world has been turning, while I've been stuck here dithering around."                                                                                                                        

Keane

It's interesting how things change, when you are not looking...  Yesterday John and I went into the phone shop in Scarborough to investigate upgrading our Blackberry phones, which we have had for a couple of years.  I remember being totally amazed, when they were new, that we could receive e-mails and look at the internet, but in those two short years the developments in phone technology have been truly phenomenal.  We had no idea how much had changed, until we started to look...

Nature also produced the same miracle for me this week.  I've been co-training on the first module of the Diploma in Clinical Hypnotherapy Course up in Saltburn.  Leaving home at 7am each day to travel over the Moors, threading my way through the mist and between the sheep, is always a good way to start the day; and the return journey is a lovely way to wind down, watching the sunset colours spread across the sky.  Leaving home early and arriving back late, however, meant that I missed the developments taking place in my garden.  I was astonished, on Friday evening, to discover filmy petals of blossom adorning the plum tree, where only tight little green buds had been the last time I looked; and in the pond a beautiful, glutinous mass of spawn bore witness to the night-time activities of the frogs.  I felt as if Nature had moved on an installment without me.

What remarkable changes are wrought in our world, when we are not paying attention!  Take a look around at your own world, and notice what has been happening while your attention was elsewhere...

The Green Shoots of Recovery

In the front courtyard, we have a large ceanothus shrub growing up one of the walls.  In the summer it is a magnet for bees, who adore the tiny, bright blue flowers which nestle amongst the glossy green leaves.  It is certainly a thing of great beauty. 

This last winter, however, dealt harshly with our beautiful ceanothus.  Various people advised us that it was dead and there was speculation on several occasions as to the logistics of its removal.  I remained just as convinced that it was still living; to my own eye, it was obvious just looking at the trunk and branches, even though no green leaves remained to lend proof to my theory.

The wonderful warm, spring days of the last week have now wrought the miracle I knew was there.  Tiny, green shoots have started to appear from the trunk as our ceanothus again burgeons into abundant life, to await the visitations of bees once the flowers follow, as surely they will.

Don't give up on your dreams and goals just because someone else has a different opinion; do whatever it is that makes you come alive.

Spring is a time for new beginnings

Yesterday was a very auspicious day for me, and the fulfillment of one of my personal goals. From later on this month, I am going to be working alongside two of the most incredible teachers I have ever met, training wonderful people in the beautiful art and science of hypnotherapy, at their school in Saltburn.

I began my own journey into hypnosis and NLP with Craig and Susi a number of years ago and I am very proud to announce that Joanna Taylor & Associates can now offer training in the Hypnotherapy Society Accredited Diploma in Clinical Hypnotherapy, in association with Dr Susi Strang & Associates.

As the saying goes, "The best way to predict your future is to create it." What futures are you creating today? Now is the only moment we have in which to make a difference. If you haven't set any goals yet for your future, now is the time to do that. As you watch the garden coming to life in springtime abundance, consider that this may be a time to think about your own new beginnings, too!

The Teachings of Dog - No 12: What sort of seeds are you sowing?

It's been a beautiful spring weekend here in North Yorkshire. The garden is beginning to come to life and small green shoots are thrusting their way through the bare brown soil - the weeds as well as the garden plants...

Amongst the canine members of staff, Snippets has discovered yet another new joy in life; mysterious holes have started to appear around the base of the fern by the mint bed... Snippets will return to the kitchen with suspiciously muddy paws, tail waving happily and a big smile on her little woolly face.

As the weather improves, the dogs enjoy spending more and more time exploring in the garden. A couple of days ago, this resulted in an exciting and illicit adventure as, unbeknown to me, the back gate through to the adjacent farm yard and fields had been left open...

Theo was the first to return, appearing at the back door with all four legs decorated with a festival of burrs which lent him a rakish and somewhat bizarre appearance. Tutting as to where on earth in the garden he could have collected this unwelcome harvest, I set to work removing them, and only after a few minutes did it dawn on me that the rest of the garden was suspiciously quiet and alarmingly dog-free...

Leaping out of the back door, I found the back gate wide open and, looking through, saw the four other staff members joyfully romping among the stalks of last year's burdock, diligently collecting the dried seed heads in their fur. They were quite delighted to see me, running back into the garden and bringing with them their sticky velcro harvest for me to remove from feet, legs and tails.

Theo, Lily, Snippets, Poppy & Daisy's Teachings:

Negative thoughts and beliefs can be compared to the seeds of the weeds that flourish in an uncared-for garden. As these beliefs and thoughts are planted in the mind, so they may grow and flourish, spreading quickly from one mind to another.

Take note of what seeds you are picking up from the world around you - what thoughts and beliefs do you choose to allow to take root in your mind? What seeds are you sowing in the minds of others? Remember that the seeds of happiness, kindness, compassion and love will always bear a good harvest.

What is Happiness?

"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven in the human spirit." - Helen Keller

The Oxford English Dictionary defines happiness as "feeling or expressing joy", but what actually is it and how do we get there? I think nearly everybody knows what it feels like to have an absence of happiness, and this is what drives me in my work - I like to share with people the ideas that transformed my own life and made my seeds of happiness flourish, in the hope that it will do the same for others.

Most people seem to spend their time living and starring in their very own scary film - their lives are so full of worrying about what bad things might happen that they forget that there are a lot of good things which are just as likely to happen.

In the village where we used to live, in the North Yorkshire Moors, there are a lot of free-range sheep who wander the lanes. Sometimes, when I was out walking the dogs, we would come across a group of three or four sheep as we rounded a corner. At first, the sheep would ignore us and carry on eating the grass, but as we approached, they would lift their heads and stare. As we came even closer, the matriarch would stamp her foot and, with a sardonic "baaaa!" they would all canter off down the lane for a few metres, their little hooves beating a staccato rhythm on the tarmac of the road, before slowing to a walk and starting to eat the grass again.

Our walk would progress in this fashion, following the sheep down the road. We would come so close - sometimes you could think you would almost be able to reach them - then at the last moment off they would go again, always just out of our reach.

This set me thinking... if you really wanted to catch the sheep - if you had a good enough reason - how would you go about it?

Happiness can sometimes seem like this - always just out of reach - always just round the corner. "I'll be happy when..." is a common motif - we forget to live in the now. We forget that, in life, the journey is the destination; life is just a series of present moments and the present moment is the only chance we have to live. Sometimes I could be so busy watching the sheep in front that I would forget to look around me and notice the beautiful, dew bejewelled flowers in the hedgerows, and the wonderful plumage of the partridge on the gate, frozen into immobility at our passing.

So - if I did want to catch the sheep, then how would I go about it? I have some of the resources I need - arms and legs, even a dog! But without the knowledge of sheep I'd never catch them; they would remain forever elusive, always cantering off a few metres ahead of me. And that, to me, was the key - all I needed was learing, and there is always a shepherd to teach the skills you need.

The Teachings of Dog - No 11: Is It Really Real?

Snippets, our newest canine member of staff, has been with us now for just over a week and her personality is starting to blossom as her comfort zones gradually expand. She has discovered the joys of scrabbling excitedly in the scrunchy dead leaves of the crocosmia plant on the terrace, especially when "hiding" from Theo during a game of chase. She was very excited indeed to see Tracy last week for her new makeover, and after a rather drastic short-back-and-sides is now half the dog that she was... the discarded fluff filled an entire carrier bag! A trip to the beach at the weekend with Daisy and Poppy for company raised her to heights of bliss, once she realised that she could safely leave our sides for a run - but even better if we ran with her!

But Snippets has a problem. We had a visit from our lovely business coach, Dr Alun Rees, yesterday, and when he arrived Theo gave his usual vociferous and enthusiastic schnauzer welcome, aided and abetted by the rest of his team. All except Snippets whom, after a spot of loud and horrified barking, shot up the stairs and retreated to the safety of our bed, from where she refused to be moved. We managed to have her in the same room during the evening, when we were all in front of the fire, but even the sight of Theo and Daisy cuddling up next to Alun on the sofa was not enough to convince Snippets that he is really a friendly and gentle dog-loving soul.

Something in Snippets's unknown past has created for her a belief that all unknown men are to be feared. For the other dogs, this is not their reality; they experienced the same situation and were more than happy to relax in Alun's company, but Snippets believes it with all the fervency of her little doggy heart and, to her, the fear is very real in her mind because of that belief.

We all have our own worries and fears; most of us are extremely good at the game of "What If?" and can create easily for ourselves some quite scary future "realities", because reality is subjective. Next time you find yourself doing this, stop for a moment and consider whether or not your fear is really real. Is it actually true, in this moment, or is it just a belief or a thought of something that might happen? What happens if, instead of your "What If" being a negative possibility, you change it to be "What If... something positive"? You may find your fears are less real than you thought they were.

For Snippets, of course, the only way to prove to her that her old belief is not true is with time, patience and a lot of love. Fortunately we can offer her all three of those in abundance, so that hopefully when Alun is back again in April, Snippets will be competing with the others for a place next to him on the sofa.

Snippets's Teachings:

• Just because you believe something, it doesn't necessarily mean it is true. Is the belief serving you? If not, ask yourself whether it could be time to let it go. What would be a more empowering belief to have in its place?
• Ask yourself, What If.... today was the most wonderful day of your life so far? What could happen if you start each day with that expectation?
• Last year's crocosmia leaves are the best place to hide the squeaky duck.

The Teachings of Dog - No 10: Poodle Puddles

We never knew poodles were so absorbent. Regular readers of the blog will remember that Lily has paid a couple of unscheduled visits to our pond in the past, but dealing with her weed-bespattered, dripping little form was nothing compared to the epic drama of dealing with a similar incident involving Snippets yesterday evening...

I watched the scene from the kitchen window and was powerless to intervene as she, being curious, jumped up onto the stone edge around the pond and then, with a leap of unsurpassing insouciance and elegance, launched herself innocently into the water which, judging from her reaction, was not quite the medium she had been expecting. Nothing daunted, however, she swam valiantly across the pond and hauled herself out on the far bank - by now liberally festooned with an assortment of weed and leaves, and her fur weighed down by an extremely large sample of pond water.

After a bath in Lily's usual hot-tub (aka the utility room sink) we then had to repair to the bathroom for specialist intervention with the shower hose - it turns out that poodle fur is very resistant to releasing anything it has captured, so poor Snippets had to endure a good deal of hosing and rinsing until the last vestige of pondlife was exorcised. As we had already discovered, poodle fur is also astonishingly absorbent and three bath sheets were required to dry her - even then we needed another towel for her to sit on during the evening as she continued gently with her dehumidifying process in front of the fire over the next few hours.

She seemed quite content throughout with all the fuss - we're just hoping she doesn't decide to increase her possibilities of an Oscar nomination through further performances.

Snippets's Teachings:

• Patience in adversity is an admirable trait.
• There is no failure - only feedback.
• Don't jump in the pond when overdue for a haircut.

The Teachings of Dog - No 9: Acceptance

After the sad loss of Hugo earlier this month, we've certainly noticed a feeling which I can only describe as "less dogness" in the house. Hugo had a big spirit, and although he was sleeping for 23½ hours out of every 24, he was still very much present. Even with the four other canine members of staff we were left with a space; a vacancy, if you will...

Of course, the laws of physics state that nature abhors a vacuum. We should not have been surprised, therefore, when a candidate obligingly appeared this weekend to audition for the Hugo-shaped space in our lives...

Snippets is a black and white poodle - at first glance resembling a small, rotund and anxious-to-please sheep, she has a perpetually wagging tail and a pair of dark, liquid eyes under a cascade of ringlets which serve to give her a distinctly rakish air. Lily and Poppy came with us to the kennels to collect her and hardly batted an eyelid at the sudden appearance of this woolly little being who was lifted into the back of their car without so much as a by-your-leave.

Within a few hours of her arrival, Snippets was becoming a part of the team. Despite being summarily removed from her old environment and placed somewhere with absolutely no familiar frames of reference, she seemed to take everything completely in her stride. Showing her round the house, she had no hesitation in trying out the sofas (and the beds!) for comfort and sat down by the Aga as if greeting an old friend.

It's interesting how like Hugo she is in some ways... the shape of her face, the expression of sweetness in her eyes, certain little quirks of character which are starting to emerge as she relaxes into her new home, and even her size all serve to remind us of our absent friend.

Snippets is a very good fit for that Hugo-shaped space in our home and our hearts, and it seems as though, like all of us, she is exactly where she is supposed to be.

Snippets's Teachings:

• When outside your comfort zone, have curiosity instead of fear; curiosity engenders growth, whereas fear paralyzes.
• Treat strangers as friends - they will always fulfil your expectations.
• Wherever you are, know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Teachings of Dog - No 8: Thief of Knowledge

I've spent a lot of the last two weeks studying and researching so I can add exciting new content to my courses later in the spring. (Bruce Lipton's book The Biology of Belief is just incredible, and if you haven't read it I can highly recommend it!) I enjoy sitting at the kitchen table to read and study; there's a lovely view out over the garden for the times when I want to stop and contemplate something and, of course, the kettle is handy...

The canine members of staff also appreciate my kitchen study-time. They do have the difficult decision to make of whether to sleep on my knee, on the bench next to me, in the dog bed or on the rug in front of the Aga, but after a bit of shuffling they seem to cope with that. Theo makes particularly good relaxing noises from time to time and Daisy will do one of her famous squeaky yawns... Poppy snores and Lily's feet twitch as she dreams...

Yesterday afternoon I was working at the dental practice. The morning had been spent in study and I had left everything on the kitchen table to await my return. John was first into the kitchen when we arrived home and he discovered a strange little object in the middle of the kitchen floor... which turned out to be a tiny metal spring, amalgamated with a piece of chewed plastic - the mortal remains of the propelling pencil I had been using to make my notes.

I'm not sure what was so attractive about the pencil (although it was pink, which seems to be Theo's favourite colour) but fortunately the other items on the table had escaped relatively unscathed; I had to re-write the top page of notes (slightly torn) and my bookmark was discovered in the dog bed, but the textbook and the rail tickets which had arrived in that day's post were untouched...

I suspect a Theo/Lily joint venture here; they both love to indulge their wanton curiosity. Their motto seems to be, "If it smells of you, we want it; if it's crunchy, we will eat it and if you leave it where we can reach it then it's ours." Theo has in the past demonstrated a talent for stealing things from the kitchen table (usually unguarded food, particularly after a dinner party) and Lily loves to chew crunchy things (recent casualties include an adaptor from a favourite lamp and my mother's hearing aid, and previously a pair of John's glasses - no squeaky plastic toy is safe). Together, mother and son, they make a formidable team!

Theo and Lily's Teachings:

• The pencil might be used to write the book, but it contains no wisdom of itself. When searching for wisdom, pay attention to the message, not just the medium by which it appears... so if you want to satisfy curiosity, eating the pencil probably isn't the best way to go about it.

The garden in waiting...

Complete stillness in the garden today... soft, grey weather. The only sound is the waterfall of song from a hidden robin, cascading in sweet purity from the depths of the leafless hawthorn tree.

Across the lane, an astonishing carpet of snowdrops and aconites breathes light and life into the dark winter woodland.

The world waits for Spring...

Teachings of Dog - No 7: The Secret of Happiness

Daisy is a perennially happy little soul. Her beautiful, long tail, as soft as dandelion seeds, is carried high over her back and streams out in the wind as she dances up the garden path; just about anything can cause a wag of this gorgeous appendage. After a haircut, however, Daisy often experiences some consternation when the wagging tail tickles her back, causing her to turn in circles trying to ascertain the cause.

Daisy's tail chasing reminds me of a lovely story I heard... One day, Mother dog comes across one of her puppies chasing her tail and asks her what she is doing. The puppy tells her mother that she has just come back from Puppy Philosophy Class, where she learned that a dogs' happiness is stored in its tail, which is why dogs wag their tails when they are happy. "If I can catch my tail," says the puppy, "then I will have the secret to eternal happiness!". Mother dog smiles, "I learned that at Puppy Philosophy Class too," she says, "but what I have learned since then is that we don't find happiness by chasing it. Like your tail, once you get to where it was, you find it's moved on!" The puppy turns big eyes on her mother. "So how can we reach our happiness, then?" she asks. Mother dog smiles back at her daughter. "You don't have to try to reach it," she replies, "you already have it; happiness is always within you. When you know that, then as you move forward in the direction of your dreams, wherever you go, happiness will always follow behind you."

The Teachings of Dog: No 6 - Water Lily

Lily is an extremely determined lady. If a bit of biscuit (or a frozen pea - particular favourite!) makes a bid for freedom and escapes beneath a kitchen cupboard, then she will always be the first to draw attention to it by snuffling and scratching at it until either she manages to extract it or you give in and assist.

Since the ice has finally thawed on our little pond, Lily has discovered a new interest. Whatever it is (and frankly we probably don't want to know) is so deeply fascinating that she now spends far longer in the garden, but unfortunately for Lily it's something she cannot quite reach... None of the canine members of staff enjoy frolicking in water - Daisy is particularly funny in this respect and will go a long way out of her way to avoid stepping in even the shallowest puddle - so deliberately jumping in the pond is, for Lily, not an option. As she develops her strategies, however, she has clearly experienced some unwelcome feedback with a couple of early theories which resulted in her requiring some time for contemplation in the dogs' hot tub (otherwise known as the utility room sink). Like Edison with the development of his light bulb, to Lily this does not mean failure - she is simply finding different ways which do not give her the result she wants. I am sure, given time, she will achieve her goal.

Lily's teachings:

• Hold on to your dreams and goals, despite what others think.
• Know that sometimes in the pursuit of a goal it might mean you have to leave your comfort zone. Be prepared to do whatever it takes to achieve it.
• Never give up on a lost frozen pea.

Why Happiness Matters

I've just come across Action for Happiness - a wonderful new charity which is officially launching in Spring 2011. If you would like to be part of the movement, visit their website and join up now - www.actionforhappiness.org

Joy is wherever you choose to find it

So apparently this is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year. I'm not terribly sure who decided that was the case, but I am a firm believer that joy is wherever you choose to find it. Where do you choose to put your focus today?

Gratitude as a cure for insomnia

It's interesting how often several clients can contact me with the same presenting problem within a short space of time. Last Autumn the theme seemed to be a desire for weight loss; this winter it seems that insomnia is a popular issue, and in case any of my blog readers are suffering with this problem (or know somebody who is!) I thought I would share a useful technique with you.

One of the keys for falling asleep is to relax your mind as well as your body, and often this is easier said than done - many people cannot sleep because of the things going round in their head. Recognising this pattern is the first important step - interrupting it and replacing it with something else is the second. And the replacement has to be something that your conscious mind will find just a little bit boring, but not too boring or your mind won't want to do it... some people find that counting sheep, for example, can be just a bit too dull - and their mind just returns to the original worry.

Next time you can't sleep, try one of these ideas instead; they all use the alphabet as a base. Try thinking of items in your bedroom beginning with each letter of the alphabet - it's not as easy as it sounds ("i" used to be a challenge until Apple came along!). Alternatively, animals are quite fun. Here's one, though, that my clients really like - think of things you are grateful for, beginning with each letter of the alphabet - and really focus on each one in turn and understand what it is about it that makes you grateful. It doesn't matter how big or small each of these things are - gratitude is a very powerful emotion!

Let me know how you get on - and if there are other techniques that you have found useful and which you would like to share then I am always interested to hear about them!

Do you see challenges or opportunities?

"Life isn't the way it's meant to be - it is the way it is. The way we cope with it makes the difference." - Virginia Satir

If we expect life to be different from how it is, then we are going to be disappointed! As Virginia Satir says, it is the way it is. What we can change, however, is the way we think and feel about it. If we expect life to be exactly as it is then our expectations will be fulfilled and we can focus, instead, on the challenges and opportunities that life brings us - and perhaps even recognise that sometimes the challenges are also opportunities.

Allow your dreams to set sail

I heard a lovely quote yesterday, from my niece, who came across it on Twitter (I don't know from where or whom this originated - if you do, please let me know!):

"The boat is safer anchored at the port; but that's not the aim of boats."

Very often we will stay anchored to something because it seems like the safest option, but we forget that fear can keep us from achieving our dreams. As you set your goals for the New Year, notice what fears and old beliefs may be holding you back - maybe it is time to set yourself free.