What is Happiness?

"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven in the human spirit." - Helen Keller

The Oxford English Dictionary defines happiness as "feeling or expressing joy", but what actually is it and how do we get there? I think nearly everybody knows what it feels like to have an absence of happiness, and this is what drives me in my work - I like to share with people the ideas that transformed my own life and made my seeds of happiness flourish, in the hope that it will do the same for others.

Most people seem to spend their time living and starring in their very own scary film - their lives are so full of worrying about what bad things might happen that they forget that there are a lot of good things which are just as likely to happen.

In the village where we used to live, in the North Yorkshire Moors, there are a lot of free-range sheep who wander the lanes. Sometimes, when I was out walking the dogs, we would come across a group of three or four sheep as we rounded a corner. At first, the sheep would ignore us and carry on eating the grass, but as we approached, they would lift their heads and stare. As we came even closer, the matriarch would stamp her foot and, with a sardonic "baaaa!" they would all canter off down the lane for a few metres, their little hooves beating a staccato rhythm on the tarmac of the road, before slowing to a walk and starting to eat the grass again.

Our walk would progress in this fashion, following the sheep down the road. We would come so close - sometimes you could think you would almost be able to reach them - then at the last moment off they would go again, always just out of our reach.

This set me thinking... if you really wanted to catch the sheep - if you had a good enough reason - how would you go about it?

Happiness can sometimes seem like this - always just out of reach - always just round the corner. "I'll be happy when..." is a common motif - we forget to live in the now. We forget that, in life, the journey is the destination; life is just a series of present moments and the present moment is the only chance we have to live. Sometimes I could be so busy watching the sheep in front that I would forget to look around me and notice the beautiful, dew bejewelled flowers in the hedgerows, and the wonderful plumage of the partridge on the gate, frozen into immobility at our passing.

So - if I did want to catch the sheep, then how would I go about it? I have some of the resources I need - arms and legs, even a dog! But without the knowledge of sheep I'd never catch them; they would remain forever elusive, always cantering off a few metres ahead of me. And that, to me, was the key - all I needed was learing, and there is always a shepherd to teach the skills you need.

The Teachings of Dog - No 11: Is It Really Real?

Snippets, our newest canine member of staff, has been with us now for just over a week and her personality is starting to blossom as her comfort zones gradually expand. She has discovered the joys of scrabbling excitedly in the scrunchy dead leaves of the crocosmia plant on the terrace, especially when "hiding" from Theo during a game of chase. She was very excited indeed to see Tracy last week for her new makeover, and after a rather drastic short-back-and-sides is now half the dog that she was... the discarded fluff filled an entire carrier bag! A trip to the beach at the weekend with Daisy and Poppy for company raised her to heights of bliss, once she realised that she could safely leave our sides for a run - but even better if we ran with her!

But Snippets has a problem. We had a visit from our lovely business coach, Dr Alun Rees, yesterday, and when he arrived Theo gave his usual vociferous and enthusiastic schnauzer welcome, aided and abetted by the rest of his team. All except Snippets whom, after a spot of loud and horrified barking, shot up the stairs and retreated to the safety of our bed, from where she refused to be moved. We managed to have her in the same room during the evening, when we were all in front of the fire, but even the sight of Theo and Daisy cuddling up next to Alun on the sofa was not enough to convince Snippets that he is really a friendly and gentle dog-loving soul.

Something in Snippets's unknown past has created for her a belief that all unknown men are to be feared. For the other dogs, this is not their reality; they experienced the same situation and were more than happy to relax in Alun's company, but Snippets believes it with all the fervency of her little doggy heart and, to her, the fear is very real in her mind because of that belief.

We all have our own worries and fears; most of us are extremely good at the game of "What If?" and can create easily for ourselves some quite scary future "realities", because reality is subjective. Next time you find yourself doing this, stop for a moment and consider whether or not your fear is really real. Is it actually true, in this moment, or is it just a belief or a thought of something that might happen? What happens if, instead of your "What If" being a negative possibility, you change it to be "What If... something positive"? You may find your fears are less real than you thought they were.

For Snippets, of course, the only way to prove to her that her old belief is not true is with time, patience and a lot of love. Fortunately we can offer her all three of those in abundance, so that hopefully when Alun is back again in April, Snippets will be competing with the others for a place next to him on the sofa.

Snippets's Teachings:

• Just because you believe something, it doesn't necessarily mean it is true. Is the belief serving you? If not, ask yourself whether it could be time to let it go. What would be a more empowering belief to have in its place?
• Ask yourself, What If.... today was the most wonderful day of your life so far? What could happen if you start each day with that expectation?
• Last year's crocosmia leaves are the best place to hide the squeaky duck.

The Teachings of Dog - No 10: Poodle Puddles

We never knew poodles were so absorbent. Regular readers of the blog will remember that Lily has paid a couple of unscheduled visits to our pond in the past, but dealing with her weed-bespattered, dripping little form was nothing compared to the epic drama of dealing with a similar incident involving Snippets yesterday evening...

I watched the scene from the kitchen window and was powerless to intervene as she, being curious, jumped up onto the stone edge around the pond and then, with a leap of unsurpassing insouciance and elegance, launched herself innocently into the water which, judging from her reaction, was not quite the medium she had been expecting. Nothing daunted, however, she swam valiantly across the pond and hauled herself out on the far bank - by now liberally festooned with an assortment of weed and leaves, and her fur weighed down by an extremely large sample of pond water.

After a bath in Lily's usual hot-tub (aka the utility room sink) we then had to repair to the bathroom for specialist intervention with the shower hose - it turns out that poodle fur is very resistant to releasing anything it has captured, so poor Snippets had to endure a good deal of hosing and rinsing until the last vestige of pondlife was exorcised. As we had already discovered, poodle fur is also astonishingly absorbent and three bath sheets were required to dry her - even then we needed another towel for her to sit on during the evening as she continued gently with her dehumidifying process in front of the fire over the next few hours.

She seemed quite content throughout with all the fuss - we're just hoping she doesn't decide to increase her possibilities of an Oscar nomination through further performances.

Snippets's Teachings:

• Patience in adversity is an admirable trait.
• There is no failure - only feedback.
• Don't jump in the pond when overdue for a haircut.

The Teachings of Dog - No 9: Acceptance

After the sad loss of Hugo earlier this month, we've certainly noticed a feeling which I can only describe as "less dogness" in the house. Hugo had a big spirit, and although he was sleeping for 23½ hours out of every 24, he was still very much present. Even with the four other canine members of staff we were left with a space; a vacancy, if you will...

Of course, the laws of physics state that nature abhors a vacuum. We should not have been surprised, therefore, when a candidate obligingly appeared this weekend to audition for the Hugo-shaped space in our lives...

Snippets is a black and white poodle - at first glance resembling a small, rotund and anxious-to-please sheep, she has a perpetually wagging tail and a pair of dark, liquid eyes under a cascade of ringlets which serve to give her a distinctly rakish air. Lily and Poppy came with us to the kennels to collect her and hardly batted an eyelid at the sudden appearance of this woolly little being who was lifted into the back of their car without so much as a by-your-leave.

Within a few hours of her arrival, Snippets was becoming a part of the team. Despite being summarily removed from her old environment and placed somewhere with absolutely no familiar frames of reference, she seemed to take everything completely in her stride. Showing her round the house, she had no hesitation in trying out the sofas (and the beds!) for comfort and sat down by the Aga as if greeting an old friend.

It's interesting how like Hugo she is in some ways... the shape of her face, the expression of sweetness in her eyes, certain little quirks of character which are starting to emerge as she relaxes into her new home, and even her size all serve to remind us of our absent friend.

Snippets is a very good fit for that Hugo-shaped space in our home and our hearts, and it seems as though, like all of us, she is exactly where she is supposed to be.

Snippets's Teachings:

• When outside your comfort zone, have curiosity instead of fear; curiosity engenders growth, whereas fear paralyzes.
• Treat strangers as friends - they will always fulfil your expectations.
• Wherever you are, know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Teachings of Dog - No 8: Thief of Knowledge

I've spent a lot of the last two weeks studying and researching so I can add exciting new content to my courses later in the spring. (Bruce Lipton's book The Biology of Belief is just incredible, and if you haven't read it I can highly recommend it!) I enjoy sitting at the kitchen table to read and study; there's a lovely view out over the garden for the times when I want to stop and contemplate something and, of course, the kettle is handy...

The canine members of staff also appreciate my kitchen study-time. They do have the difficult decision to make of whether to sleep on my knee, on the bench next to me, in the dog bed or on the rug in front of the Aga, but after a bit of shuffling they seem to cope with that. Theo makes particularly good relaxing noises from time to time and Daisy will do one of her famous squeaky yawns... Poppy snores and Lily's feet twitch as she dreams...

Yesterday afternoon I was working at the dental practice. The morning had been spent in study and I had left everything on the kitchen table to await my return. John was first into the kitchen when we arrived home and he discovered a strange little object in the middle of the kitchen floor... which turned out to be a tiny metal spring, amalgamated with a piece of chewed plastic - the mortal remains of the propelling pencil I had been using to make my notes.

I'm not sure what was so attractive about the pencil (although it was pink, which seems to be Theo's favourite colour) but fortunately the other items on the table had escaped relatively unscathed; I had to re-write the top page of notes (slightly torn) and my bookmark was discovered in the dog bed, but the textbook and the rail tickets which had arrived in that day's post were untouched...

I suspect a Theo/Lily joint venture here; they both love to indulge their wanton curiosity. Their motto seems to be, "If it smells of you, we want it; if it's crunchy, we will eat it and if you leave it where we can reach it then it's ours." Theo has in the past demonstrated a talent for stealing things from the kitchen table (usually unguarded food, particularly after a dinner party) and Lily loves to chew crunchy things (recent casualties include an adaptor from a favourite lamp and my mother's hearing aid, and previously a pair of John's glasses - no squeaky plastic toy is safe). Together, mother and son, they make a formidable team!

Theo and Lily's Teachings:

• The pencil might be used to write the book, but it contains no wisdom of itself. When searching for wisdom, pay attention to the message, not just the medium by which it appears... so if you want to satisfy curiosity, eating the pencil probably isn't the best way to go about it.

The garden in waiting...

Complete stillness in the garden today... soft, grey weather. The only sound is the waterfall of song from a hidden robin, cascading in sweet purity from the depths of the leafless hawthorn tree.

Across the lane, an astonishing carpet of snowdrops and aconites breathes light and life into the dark winter woodland.

The world waits for Spring...

Teachings of Dog - No 7: The Secret of Happiness

Daisy is a perennially happy little soul. Her beautiful, long tail, as soft as dandelion seeds, is carried high over her back and streams out in the wind as she dances up the garden path; just about anything can cause a wag of this gorgeous appendage. After a haircut, however, Daisy often experiences some consternation when the wagging tail tickles her back, causing her to turn in circles trying to ascertain the cause.

Daisy's tail chasing reminds me of a lovely story I heard... One day, Mother dog comes across one of her puppies chasing her tail and asks her what she is doing. The puppy tells her mother that she has just come back from Puppy Philosophy Class, where she learned that a dogs' happiness is stored in its tail, which is why dogs wag their tails when they are happy. "If I can catch my tail," says the puppy, "then I will have the secret to eternal happiness!". Mother dog smiles, "I learned that at Puppy Philosophy Class too," she says, "but what I have learned since then is that we don't find happiness by chasing it. Like your tail, once you get to where it was, you find it's moved on!" The puppy turns big eyes on her mother. "So how can we reach our happiness, then?" she asks. Mother dog smiles back at her daughter. "You don't have to try to reach it," she replies, "you already have it; happiness is always within you. When you know that, then as you move forward in the direction of your dreams, wherever you go, happiness will always follow behind you."